// intended//

i feel there’s a fine line for me, sometimes, between bursting at the seams and painfully empty. it’s a matter of perspective, i think.

so much of life is dependent upon your attitude, your perspective. like i’m inclined to say often, we are masses of contradiction. and i have the ultimate paradox; the commingling of finite and infinite, the union of flesh and spirit… the banner of this world written across my mind and heart, but the blood of a savior written over top that. and as is the case with any dual natured thing, i cannot express one of those natures purely without the other one leaving it’s effect upon that expression. i cannot walk a true line without departure and i cannot stumble without conviction to correction.

one of the great things about being made human is that i am inherently designed to long; to have longing attests to the actuality of something for which that longing exists. i long because God made me to be in relation with Him.

my flesh, however, straight up highjacks that longing, and pedals it off to various empty promises, pours it into broken cisterns, attaches it to sinking ships, betrays itself. self destruction is in my blood.

“what exactly are you doing?” i often ask myself. knowingly chasing after ghosts time after time, all the while a hauntingly faithful, gentle voice reminds me of the one thing i can never quite shake yet never quite realize: “you were made for more than this.”

so when i broker that longing to agents that offer false promises of fulfillment, when i seek life from the dead, water from an empty well, i run dry. i am empty. i am defunct. when i seek i return emptier than when i set out.

but, when i take that longing to the source of truth, the author of life, the living water, the giver of perfect gifts… when i seek, i am found, i am overfilled, inundated, exuberant.

the wonderful thing is that no matter how far down a dry well you might have dug, all you need do is remember the call, listen for that longing, and follow it to it’s intended source. as empty as you might feel right now, it’s a matter of perspective. bursting at the seams is not far off. it doesn’t take long to get wet when you jump in a river, it doesn’t take long for the lights to come on when you flip the switch, and God is never far from you. He is near, He is faithful. even when we’re not.

it’s not about us. it’s about Him.

perspective.

and there is that still small voice that we never quite shake, yet never quite realize… “you were meant for more than this.”